Assignment: How do you plan on communicating with your future life partner about how you two will communicate in the relationship.
In order to establish how communication will happen in our relationship I think it's important to first explain what "real communication" is to each of us.
I'll explain that real communication to me is openly and honestly asking intuitive questions, actively listening to each others responses, and attentively observing each others non-verbals for signs of patterns that can lead to the authentic feelings and meanings behind the words we're saying.
As a communication major I have a textbook type of definition for real communication but I can explain what I mean simply by using examples so that my partner understands where I'm coming from.
I'll also explain what Meta-Communication is because I think it's a major instigator and escalator of arguments. I'll firmly state that we won't focus on how each of us is saying something (I mean we will pay attention to tone of voice as a way to determine what the other persons feeling emotionally about the topic we are discussing, but we won't become defensive if the other persons voice is loud) but instead use real communication and focus on what we're trying to say.
Also, instead of saying "we need to talk" every time a problem arises, I'll automatically ask non-argumentative questions that don't put the blame on anyone but just brings the issue to the forefront for us to think about and solve together.
Non-verbals play a part in communication so I think it's important for both of us to observe the ways in which we show our emotions non-verbally. Most couples are able to tell if one another are nervous, sad, angry, etc. non-verbally and it's important to notice what mood both of us are in and to also pay attention to what might be causing these emotions. In order to do that we have to actively listen to what each other has said about their day, or what happened yesterday or what is happening in the future and also the distant past might come into play.
Like what if one of us had something bad happen to them in the past and every time something similar to that past experience is happening it triggers an emotional response, it's important for the partner to recognize when the response is triggered and either help calm down the partner or find a way to remove us from the experience or the thing that's triggering the response.
In conclusion, I think that communication will only work in a relationship if both partners understand each others communication styles. For example, me and my "wife" today in class discussed jealously and how a partner can misinterpret non-verbal communication and think their partner is flirting with someone. If we establish what flirting is, if we observe how each of us naturally communicates non-verbally then we will not misinterpret nonverbal ques as flirtation. We have to be observant, we have to be respectful, we have to be open and honest about what we are feeling, we have to listen attentively and not just brush off what each other is saying as nothing. It takes real effort to have a good relationship, yes arguments will always occur but it's the way we finish an argument that's most important. If we each leave feeling like we came out winners, we'll grow stronger as a couple.